Last night I was sitting on my sofa in my living room, looking over some old books of mine, things from my childhood like Gus Was a Friendly Ghost, and Homer Price. I was lost in a bit of reverie, smiling and content while shuffling through these boxes of books

Suddenly, I was taken with a strange compulsion. I picked up one of the books, a paperback copy of A Wrinkle In Time, and tore out the first page, stared at it for a moment, then popped it into my mouth and started chewing it. It was surprisingly flavorful, tasting like Sno-Cones, with a faint scent of summer grass. I only hesitated for a moment before tearing out another page, and another.

Before long I had consumed the entire book, and was hungrily rooting through the box for another snack, then another. Soon enough the box was empty, and I started in on my bookcases, marveling at the different tastes. My gut was bulging uncomfortably, but I didn’t let that slow me down, as I annihilated all the books and magazines in my house.

One the words were gone, I lumbered over to my entertainment center, and started in on the CDs. I threw the cases on the floor like peanut shells, and snapped the discs in my jaws, crushing them to fragments, savoring the sensation of music sliding over my tongue. The films were obviously next, with DVDs providing sharp, intense bursts of flavor that quickly faded, while I sucked down the long strips of videotape like spaghetti. Soon, though, it was all gone.

Once the house was empty, my now-gargantuan bulk sprawled across the groaning hardwood floor. I rested there a while, feeling the sharp bits of plastic and metal grinding in my stomach. It didn’t take long, though, for the hunger to return. I wondered what else I could eat, when I saw the phone line dangling from the wall jack, and thought about DSL. I crawled over to the wire, clamped it between my molars, and began to suck.

As the data coursed through my bloated, twitching form, I felt an exhilaration like no other. My soul soared in information-fueled ecstasy. Only one concern darkened my mood: what would I do when the data ran out?

[March, 2003]